Elysia has started singing "despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage"

This morning after the trash truck came she ran in very upset, "Mommy, somebody did something to our trash!!"  we should all be so concerned about what happens to our trash.

She's still sort of wigging out over it.
Emily has turned into a massive crybaby.  I'm hoping to see teeth soon.  I dream about them at night in the few moments that she allows me to sleep.
My cousin's baby was born on my birthday

Here's your Foscars.  Have your nominations in by the 10th

1. Funniest name to say
2. Best group song and dance routine ever
3.  Tastiest cheese
4. Entertainer who most needs to be shot. [I'm hoping that the winner of this award actually gets shot.  It should have a special name , like an Executie]
5. Fictional character who would make the coolest best friend
6. Most annoying internet acronym
7. Best Butt shot in a movie [I feel that this category is immature]
8. Worst reality t.v. program [I realise the difficulty of choosing]
9. Best supporting ingredient in a candy bar
10.Word that is the most irritating to hear other people mis-pronounce.
11. Worst fashion trend ever
12 Best category in a fake awards ceremony

Now I'm going to add a few.  Feel free to do the same.

13 Most innapproriate score [music that doesn't go with the film. at all.
14. Best use of profanity in a feature film
15. actress who is considered hot for some reason but who has no sex appeal
16. Most underrated actor
17. Best comedy that was not supposed to be a comedy.

Well, Christmas has come and gone and left things pretty much the way they were before, except everyone's a little tireder, and now we don't have Old Saint Nick to blame for all our troubles anymore, he's flown back up to the north pole and we won't be seeing him again until next year.  I never feel further away from Jesus than on Christmas when I know so many people with some pretty good sized problems and all I have to offer them is some lame gift and maybe a drink or two.  Oh, well, we can't all do loaves and fishes, and experience has led me to believe that turning water into wine is probably not a good idea, at least most of the time.

We did have an awesome Christmas, with lots of friends and family dropping in to help make the day more fun, which it was.  Especially pleased that Laurel and Savhanna made time for us, despite a full schedule of family Christmasses they had to attend. I think poor Savhanna may have eaten an entire plate of bacon before anyone noticed.  I hope she wasn't too sick. Laurel was also awesome enough to get me some pants, so I can now go out in public again, having something to wear besides my XXL pregnancy p.j.s  I thank her, and the world also thanks her.  Kathy gave me the creme brulee tools, so we'll have to make creme brulee sometime soon.  Not too soon, though.  The other stand-out gifts were the handmade blankets we recieved from Kathy Bremmer, Ruby and Vicky Harrison, and my Mom got me a little teapot, which I'm really digging on.

Peace on Earth;
Goodwill towards all.
Blessed Be

I've sort of avoided celebrating Christmas for the last 10 years.  Not completely, my door has usually been open to friends in honest need, and I've been known to give gifts of things laying around the house to people who pop in, but still, I haven't really been celebrating Christmas.

My Mother-in-law has fought me over this since she's known me.  She says that Christmas is the most important day of the year for her.  I've always maintained that Christmas is for other people.  This year my daughter is three and I've given up on doing anything really spiritual for Christmas.  It'll be the same day of overindulgence and, well, really everything that's not spiritual that it always was when I was a kid.  And I remember wishing that Christmas was more.  I never felt the spirit of Christmas one reads about in books or sees in movies.  All I see is excess and waste.

I was reading my friend Laurel's post about how she's struggling with Christmas this year, and it reminded me of how I feel about it every year, and how I'm trying to adjust those feelings in order to get along with Kathy, and not to disappoint Nathan.  Here's my list, for the record.  Here goes:

Christmas is my Mother's birthday.  When I was growing up she used to tell me about how sad it was for her celebrating Christmas at her grandparents house.  She had very stately victorian grandparents, so the grown=ups worked all day getting Christmas ready and she was expected to play quielly all aloneby herself all day.  On Christmas.  Her birthday.  On Christmas I always feel sorry for my Mom.  Her parents were weird, and she has lots of sad only child stories like that.

My first mother-in-law, like my second, loved Christmas. Her name was Becky. She was always very kind to me, despite my often rude and bizarre behavior.  Three months before she passed away after a long battle with cancer, Jeffrey and I spent Christmas at her house.   That Christmas eve we looked at her photo albums .  I got to see little Jeffrey.  I remember her best friend coming over with these incredibly expensive gifts for my sisters-in-law.  I remember that she seemed embarrassed, like she had been out gifted, as if it was a competition to see who could give the most expensive Christmas gifts, and she had lost.  And I was pissed.  Because maybe she had been to tired with a full time teaching schedule and chemo, and never letting on that anything was wrong to get the most expensive gifts, and I was pissed that she would feel embarrassed about something so stupid, as if Jesus would have wanted anything to do with a gifting competition.  I really didn't know Becky well, and I probably got it wrong, but I've never wanted much to do with Christmas presents since them.  I mean, I like to give them to people who really need them, but that's really it, you know?

My Mom's best friend died on Christmas day.  Of brain cancer.  Her daughter, who is exactly my age, was nine.

My Uncle died on November 17th, but I didn't here about until...like a week before Christmas.  That was the first time I had seen that part of my Family for years.  In my family someone really has to die for us to celebrate the holidays.

This year my dad is chronically, but not dangerously ill, and my friend Laurel's mom, who love's Christmas, and throws out more Christmas love than anyone else I know, is very ill.  And that super sucks.

I guess this time of year I'm just always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  It's always so hectic, and people get so emotional, I don't really get my hopes up, just try to get through it and hope nothing awful happens, and be prepared when it does.  But this year, and for the next many years, I'll have to celebrate Christmas.  So I'm taking Becky and Carolyn, and Kathy  as my examples.Despite the fact that there's too many toys, too much junkfood, and that my daugher is more likely to associate the day with Elmo than baby Jesus, we're going to go ahead and celebrate the hell out of Christmas this year.  Come one, come all, and boy, go ahead and bring that giant goose in the window. Besides, I'm pretty sure if I don't at least try to do Christmas my mother-in-law is going to kill me. and then my stupid family will have to get together, and I don't think I can bear it.  Not so soon after the Holidays.

Oh, we cut out Christmas cookies with our friends,  It was fun.  Hah! Take that Christmas!

So my house looks like Father Christmas partied to hardy and exploded, splattering himself all over the walls of my new [to me] living room.  My three year old is trying to see how many off my Mother-in-law's special Christmas ornaments she can break in one morning.  I've already had to talk on behalf of my increasingly deaf and hypochondrial father to a nurse and a cardiologist, and there are 10 very nice hispanic men and one very rich white man in my back yard trimming my enormous mulberry tree.  This staying home gig is starting to feel like a real job.

My consolation prize is that my friend, Laurel is just as harried as I am, except her Mom's illness is [probably] a lot more serious, and she has school to contend with instead of all day with two little kids, her kids at school part of the time.  So I have company.

So,my Dad and Emily have developed a very close relationship.  He's sitting in the kitchen bouncing to her and humming because she's a little fussy.
I glare at him.
"What" He says, "I only know three songs."
O.K., one is the Addams family theme song. That's moderatly acceptable, even cool in a weird way.  The second is
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out..."
The other song is a remarkably offensive little ditty which I suspect is a drinking song that I know the words to for the same reason that I suspect Emily will:
My name is Pancho.
I live on a rancho.
I earn two dollars a day.
I go see Lucy.
She gives me some pussy.
She takes my two dollars away.

If one of my daughter's first words is pussy...well, that would be funny too, I guess I object to the racism more than the...whatever that is.  I can't teach my father any new songs because he's functionally deaf. And stubborn.
Oh well, I just had to save that moment for Emily, If I spend another minute in front of this computer my husband will likely kill me.

I had my first really great day at the park since we moved and Emily was born.  I used to go to the park near my old apartment daily, and I knew almost everyone who went there and could spend just hours hanging around talking to the other moms.  I met all sorts of hollywood people there, like the guy who did the masks and stuff for Star Trek [His little girl is about 2 years older than Elysia].  Lots of people in production, writing, acting.  The only problem with that park was that sometimes I felt like the only chubby mommy in Burbank.

At my new park the universe seems to have put on about 50 pounds, which makes me seem less abnormal.  Nobody shows up until about 1-2 o'clock though, which is weird for me because I used to go first thing.  Then I had Emily, which made me self conscious because I don't like breast feeding in public.  I do it, dammit, because it's my right, but I've been taught from a young age not to whip my boobs out in public, and having them squirt milk everywhere doesn't make the re-conditioning any easier.  I don't seem to be able to feed my daughter without drenching both of us.  I understand that some women have trouble producing enough milk. 

Not me.

Today It all finally clicked, however.  I ran into a nanny who I know from story time.  Her name's Heidi, she's Senegalese [and gorgeous], so I chatted with her.  Then Elysia got someone elses mommy to swing her while I was feeding Emily, who I then stuffed into the front carrier to hide any leakage, which was, in fact minimal for a change, and the lady she "picked" turned out to be super nice and I chatted with her for about 30 minutes, and told her about story time.  I try and recruit all the mommies I like to story time. So maybe my new park will be the refuge my old one was soon enough, and I'll know every Mommy on this end of Burbank too.

Well, Thanksgiving is over and once again I'm thrilled to have all the dishes washed and most of the leftovers sitting quietly in the fridge. 

My mother-in-law is already harrassing us about Christmas.  I'm not sure why.  I think she's bought my oldest daughter three Christmas outfits.  She's dropping one off tomorrow so I can dress her in it on Thursday for some Christmas party.  I really don't get it, but whatever.

Tonight there's a once every four years conjunction of Venus, Jupiter, and the moon.  All I have to show for it is a killer headache.  It looks beautiful up in the sky, though.  Elysia yold me her first story today, and I wrote it down and illustrated it.  We're going to read it for bedtime, which I feel should be soon, despite the fact that it's only 6:30

The Lakers are playing.
Emily was very cranky for part of the day, which she usually isn't
Elysia is shooting me with a toy nail gun.  I think I have to go fight back.

Peace on Earth
Goodwill towards all
Thankfull and full
The large and the small

O.K., so I was just about to call my ex-husband Jeffrey to see if he really was skipping turkey this year, when I remembered.

He doesn't have a phone
So..I'm going to call him virtually:
ring tone....

Hello.

Jeffrey, It's me, Anna, your ex-wife.
Get yo' ass a phone bitch!!
Do you want turkey?!
And beer?!

Click

I wonder if I can make that a haiku

Calling ex-husband
With the phone of un-hearing
How will he respond?

My movie picks for the weekend are Hancock and Surf's up.
I'm starting my weekend now.  T.V. couch, stat.

Emily is getting enormous.
Elysia is turning into super-brat.
I'm so proud.

I'd just like to announce to the world that Emily has turned herself 90 degrees so that she can hit her ball with her hand instead of kicking it with her feet.

She's also pretty mucch stopped sleeping, which I was expecting because her sister was the same
At lest Emily slept for the first few weeks after being born.
Elysia never slept.

She sleeps now though...So I guess in three years maybe I'll get a full night..

So Elysia has discovered the magic of Barbie in the form of the Disney Princesses.  I bought the box with, well, all of them.

I've been trying to avoid Disney since she was born because its:
A: expensive
B: Collectable
C: easily purchased on e-bay
D: like crack to me.
Soooo...
I'm wondering if I should just file Chapter 11 right now....

We watched Wallee. I'm not sure .  I was bored for the first part and then it sort of grew on me.  I'm still pondering, so I guess it's art.  I don't always like art to be movies.  It's easier to just have a knee-jerk response, "I loved it!" is good.  I guess we'll see if it holds the kids attention. 
I guess you're getting old when you're looking to your kids to tell you what's good and what's not.  Or maybe that just makes you smart.

Sleeping baby, Gotta go!

This morning my daughter Emily woke me up at 2, and then again at 4, and 4:30, and 5:30, and 6.

I told her I was going to light her on fire.
That's when my husband got up.
"Don't light Emily on fire." he said.  In the back ground we could hear the little squeeky voice of our  older daughter in the background.  We pretty much ignored it.  I think Nathan checked in on her at a certain point. She lived through the night and is actually in a pretty good mood this morning.  In fact she's sitting on my lap as I write this, drawing on spare bits of paper of varying levels of importance as I type.

My exhaustion is like a Fire.  It is all consuming, destroying everything in its path.  Today, Elysia gets to do whatever she wants.  Perhaps later we will go to the store and buy candy.  I will not try to teach her to count or to say the ABC's. Today, I intend to nap while my toddler rots her emerging brain of the cotton candy of recorded media.  I'm pretty sure she'll be just fine.  Maybe we can do some work on learning how to use the remote. That's an important skill too.

O.K. I'm officially depressed.
It's not the hysterical I'm going to kill myself depression, it's the numb, I'm really tired and I don't want to do anything except lie in bed depression.

Since everything in my life is actually going o.k., and I have a strict set of responsibilities that there's no way I would consider ignoring, it's not too bad.

Still, it was all I could do to make myself go to story time today.  Two weeks ago it was the highlight of my week.

I just don't want to see any, you know...people.  Plus, it's suddenly turned boring.

I am looking forward to watching Heroes tonight.  and the possibly Hellboy, The Golden Army later this week.  I'm a big Hellboy fan.  Hellboy was the movie I took with me to watch in the hospital while I was delivering Emily.

I'll report on the movie and the episode later.

Because I am retarded I actually downloaded 2 copies of the latest heroes.  I just feel that I need to share that moment for posterity, in case Nathan ever needs proof of what hes had to deal with spouse wise.  So we have an HD copy and a regular copy just in case.

To make matters even more typical Nathan is revoltingly productive.  After months of leaving crap everywhere, now he's coming home and cleaning everything.  Last night I think he did dishes 3 times.  I'm not complaining, but I can't help feeling even more pathetic and lethargic in comparison.

We live to fight another day

I was going to devote this slice to a big bitching section about my husband, but I found out he's actually been reading my posts, so instead of complaining I'll talk about Mozart.

I'm not sure Mozart's music makes babies smarter, but it defineatly makes them sleep longer.  So he either really was a genius mapping and unlocking the convolutions of the human psyche through music;
Or he was really, really boring.

Elysia is using the big wooden spoon to play my Christmas mug, which is actually making a very effective instrument.  She's singing too, but I can't understand the words...so, grunge. Oops, that wasn't a Christmas glass.  It was my hand blown glass...I thought it had unusually good tone.  I can't understand why its not broken.

As for the whale, I wish I was one.  I really feel like talking a long, undisturbed nap under a few tons of water where nobody can wake me up.  Even whales have to breast feed, however, even though I've never seen a whale breast.  I'm sure it's out there somewhere on internet porn.  Yikes.

Kathy is taking Elysia to a movie today. Madagascar 2. Which is like time off for me. Then I think Laurel and Savhanna are coming over, which is like overtime. 

Crying baby, gotta go

I'm feeling a little blue this morning.  My Dad went back to the E.R. this morning.
He's getting worse.

I find myself having questions.  What do you do if someone's already dead when you find them ?  Is it still 911?  Or do you like...call the morgue?

My daughter's really good at catching me when I'm about to cry.  This morning when she caught me she told me;
"Don't cry Mommy.  Just sing."

I've had many years of therapy, and I can tell y'all, it doesn't get any better than that.

I think I'm going to start charging people to talk to my 3 year old...

Well, The Holidays approacheth and I am onve again confronted with an opportunity to get over all my emotional hang-ups during several days of intense...emoting..

The Holidays get pretty complex once you have kids...
Ope:
Crying baby, gotta go.
So much for the holidays.

I thought I should jot a few words regarding the election, in case our man turns out to be the greatest prsident ever, which he will be if he can lead us in saving the economy and end the war.

Sorry to admit I didn't actually vote in this election.  I have just moved and didn't quite get it done.  I voted for Hilary in the primary.  I wasn't to worried about not voting in the presidential election, confident that my fellow Californians we're respectably blue.

I was horrified when I saw the results for the propositions.
Don't get me wrong,I'm really glad that the free chicken thing passed,
But banning same sex marriage?  What is this, the middle ages?

Ah, well, I guess nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, but still, I thought we won the Spanish American war.  Treaty of Guadelupe-Hidalgo and all that.  Actually that was with Mexico, but the point is....
There is no point, just I was sure that wasn't going to pass.  What are they going to do next, re-criminalize marijuana?

I'm also bummed about the consent to abort thing.  The people who are going to be o.k. telling their parents are going to tell them anyway.  Despite what the pro-life thinks, pro-choice is not pro-death.  Nobody wants to kill little babies, it's just not everyone who gets knocked up is prepared to raise little babies.  The results of forcing a very young woman to have a child can be quite ugly.  Not so long ago there was a case where a woman was arrested for torturing her four year old boy.  The Times reported that his hands we're so badly burned that he could no longer open them.  I believe this lovely woman had been receiving welfare before she was caught.  Obviously this wasn't the result of anti-abortion legislation, but I think we should be very careful about encouraging people to have children they may not be prepared to raise.

That said, I hope my own girls would [or will] come to me of their own accord if faced with such a painful choice at such a young age [or at any age really.  I know I'd be calling my Mom].

Anyway, I'll be registering soon so we can go ahead and turn some of that around.  Don't worry gay people, this isn't over.

So far I have been sick for every Halloween of my life.  Despite this, or possibly because of this Halloween is my favorite holiday.  As Garfield says, "No relatives, just lots and lots of candy.  Halloween is the only holiday you don't have to be good for.  In fact, you're actually supposed to be bad.
My husband and I both have colds so bad that we had to go to the doctor and get medicine.  I'm foregoing mine for the time being in favor of more natural remidies, but I'll take it if I  get bad enough.  Nathan's even got the real codene cough syrup.

My Mom's going home tomorrow.  I'll be sorry to see her go, but I'm at the 5th day of illness, so I'll be grateful not to have to go to the trouble of trying to be nice to someone.

The kids aren't sick, which I find strange, but good.

The last fence post has been sunk.
I moved bricks this morning in anticipation of the arrival of my fledgling pomegranate trees.
My cold is going away.
My Mommy is here. to play with my girls while I putter and have a few moments to do things...other than mind my girls and try to keep up with the ever spawning mess that is domesticity.

Tonight I will have a glass of Chianti
No fava beans.
Love to all the world.
May everyone have a piece
In peace.

Today I went to Target and bought what's known in the Mommy biz as a Baby Gym.  I figured I was probably wasting a sizeable wad of credit [we, like most new parents, are out of cash] on something that the baby would hate and that Elysia my three year old would maybe play with for 5 minutes.  When Elysia was a baby she had a baby gym that I put her under one time, she hated it so much, I don't think I ever dared to try it again.

Well, Emily is a very different baby, and I think it helps having a big sister to show you how to do stuff.  I put the baby in he baby gym, and Elysia grabbed her tiny foot and made it kick the swinging ball a few times.  Emily gave Elysia a really big smile, and Elysia trilled, "She''s smiling at me, my baby sister is smiling!!"  Both girls had, well, a ball.  Emily must have kicked the ball and chortled over being able to finally do something herself for 20 minutes, which is like a year in baby time.  Elysia got a turn in the baby gym too, only when she kicked the ball it flew across the room.  I felt like today with the toy was the first time the girls had any really meaningful interaction between each other. I'm feeling really good about it.